YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cn2om3_4tzw

QuickTime:
http://www.filmcow.com/movies/chris-brown/

Also, I’ll be at Playlist LIVE on March 24-25, and ROFLCon III May 4-5, hope to see some of you there!  In person.  Where we can gaze into each other’s eyes and fall into a dream-like trance from which we shall never awake.

the people I’ve made friends with on the t-s forum have been really helpful. they’ve given me some leads on where mom might be, but there’s only so much I can do as a 15 yr old. some of them have even checked out info for me, but so far nothing’s turned up. how many places could she possibly be? my stepdad called 2 weeks ago but my dad didn’t let me talk to him. didn’t want me to get upset. it just upset me more. I didn’t talk to dad for a week after that.

I started taking guitar lessons, to take my mind of things. darleen got me a hat with cat ears. I love wearing it. dad got mad at her because he thinks she’s encouraging me. funny how the tables have turned. darleen used to be the one that tried to crush my creativity. now it’s my dad. ironic, right?

I don’t know what I want anymore. sometimes I wonder what normal feels like. sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing.

I have to go pretend to do homework now. pretend to care about this stupid world and this stupid life. eventually things will make sense again. they have to.

YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD62d9XhHxY

QuickTime:
http://filmcow.com/movies/thats-our-robert/

I’m playing Skyrim right now.  I’m a wizard.  A mighty wizard.  It would be nice if dragons stopped attacking my wizarding school, like, every single day.

I cannot eat most marshmallows because I am a vegetarian and they are most often made with gelatin.  Luckily, some people make marshmallows with agar instead, and I can eat those.  And they are delicious.  It has recently been brought to my attention that marshmallows were originally made from marshmallow plants.  It is now a quest of mine to find and eat some marshmallow plant marshmallows.  I like quests.

Anyway, here is Marshmallow People 2:

YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFYHaGUFJ-s

QuickTime:
http://www.filmcow.com/movies/marshmallow-people-2/

ENJOY, MY BLOG BUDDIES.

YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3XtnCUcZb4

QuickTime:
http://www.filmcow.com/movies/jurassic-park-5/

In other news, WOW, seals taking naps are FREAKING ADORABLE.

so I’ve been on these message boards, talking to other people about things. and I feel better about myself, but also worse because, I mean, transgender would be hard enough for people to understand. there’s no way they could understand trans-species unless they were it, too. I guess that’s why mom went away. she saw the signs in me and was worried that I’d follow in her footsteps so she left. she didn’t want me to end up in the life that she had. but I have. so I’ve been trying to look for her.

I’ve made some friends on the boards. most of them are a lot older than me, so I’ve been asking around about my mom. I’ve been talking to my dad and been trying to call my stepdad. for once, darleen’s been pretty cool about things. guess she thinks I’ve had it rough enough already. it doesn’t feel right that my mom would have left me thinking she’s dead. my dad says that she hoped she’d be able to talk to me later on in my life, but it was gonna be at time when she and my dad thought I was ready. only my dad hasn’t heard from her in months. or from her husband.

dad doesn’t want to tell me much about the relationship mom had (has?) with her husband. I can kinda guess just from what I’ve figured out on the forums and little things I put together over the years. my stepdad acted like, I dunno, my mom’s owner. he took care of her. so when she “died” they both left and he’s been taking care of her at the cat commune. I don’t know exactly what it all means. just that he’s helping her live her life as she wants to live it. I have no idea how they can afford it. he must be working tech from his computer or something. that’s what he used to do.

there are parts of the message boards I can’t go to because I’m too young. I don’t really want to know what mom does with brian anyway, so I’m glad I can’t read about that crap. the older members are protective of me because I’m so young and because of what happened with my mom. they’re all keeping an eye out for me, to see if they hear anything about a commune like what my dad said.

I don’t know if I should even try to find her. I want to. I want to leave school and just go searching for her, but that’s not what she’d want. I hate myself for feeling that way. and I can’t shake the feeling that maybe brian has been keeping her from me. I don’t know.

hopefully I’ll find out more soon.

in other news, school’s ok (not great) and I’m getting better on the guitar, despite actually being a cat.

my dad was using my computer the other day because his had a virus and he looked at my search history and found out that I’ve been trying to find information about being a cat trapped in a person’s body. it’s called “species dysphoria” or trans-species. anyway, my dad asked me about it. I tried to act like I was just researching it for something for school, but then he started crying and said that the same thing had happened to my mom. that my mom wasn’t really dead. that she was a cat.

only he said that she THOUGHT she was a cat. that it’s something she struggled with for a long time. that it was why they got divorced. she had been sick, but she got better. it wasn’t the cancer that killed her. cancer was what made her stop acting like she wasn’t what she knew she was all along. my mom’s a cat.

he was hoping that with me it would be a case of nurture over nature. that I would be ok with being a human. but he was wrong.

he said my mom’s been at a commune with people like her. with other trans-species people. he wouldn’t tell me what it was called because he doesn’t want me to go there. but I can’t believe it. my mom is alive. my mom is not dead. my mom is alive. as hard as it was to accept her death, it’s now equally hard to accept that she’s alive. not only is she alive, she’s like ME.

I can’t believe my dad lied to me about my mom dying. I go between hating him and understanding why he did it. to him, mom as a cat is as good as being dead because she’s not a person. what he doesn’t get is that she was never a person. she was just pretending.

I have to find her. or at least get in touch with her. I’ll write more when I have more information. there’s still a lot I don’t understand about the situation. is her husband still with her? is he a cat too? is she getting surgery to be more like a cat?

as much confusion that I have, so many things make sense now. and my mom is alive.

YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlQJtWTZeiI

QuickTime:
http://www.filmcow.com/movies/filmcownews/

You can order your copy of Nick: The Feature Film here for only $6 plus shipping!  Wow!  So much Nick for your money!

I feel altered. I feel less like I’m wearing a mask. I don’t think I’m going to go to “drama club” anymore. I don’t think it’s where I need to be. it has helped me realize that the problem with my identity isn’t that I’m gay (or straight, or bi, or trans, or anything like that). I’m not sure what I’m attracted to, but I don’t think it’s people. I just don’t like them very much.

and it’s not like I’m into animals, either, so don’t even say anything. I’m not into beastiality. I just think I was maybe born into the wrong species.

it’s kind of a problem. and I don’t foresee any solution. I mean, how does one come out as “cat?”

"Hey. I'm Nick."

Let me tell you about Nick.

Nick is my cousin, and he’s a pretty cool guy.  So cool, in fact, that I decided to make an entire feature film about him called “Nick: The Feature Film – A Day in the Life of America’s Favorite Sweetheart.”

It stars the usual FilmCow live-action crew, as well as my good friend Robert Benfer.  Making this movie took quite a bit of time and effort… the filming itself took an ENTIRE DAY.  Can you believe that?  A whole day!  There was no script, just a basic story outline.  Nearly everything in the movie was improvised.

The plot of Nick: The Feature Film is this…

Robert Benfer, an eccentric independent filmmaker, runs into Nick at a bowling alley and immediately becomes deeply obsessed with him.  In order to learn everything he can about his new obsession, Robert has decided to follow him around with a camera crew and fully document an average day in his life.  Things seem to be going well until Nick’s “best friend” Chris shows up…

OH MAN, I WONDER WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!  So, how can you see this marvelous new film?  It’s available on DVD, of course!  The movie is around 75 minutes long, and the DVD includes a 20 minute behind-the-scenes video, outtakes, deleted scenes, and two commentary tracks (one about the movie, and the other about the history of FilmCow’s live-action projects.)

That could be YOUR giant hand!

The cost of the DVD is $6 plus shipping.  I’m using Kunaki to sell this, so basic shipping is $4.30.  Which means that Nick: The Feature Film can be yours for a little over 10 bucks.  Every sale helps fund future FilmCow cartoons and live-action projects, so order today!  Or tomorrow.  Or next week sometime.

Click here to order via Credit Card

Click here to order via PayPal

The DVD is region-free NTSC.  So for non-US customers, please make sure your DVD player can play NTSC discs before ordering (the majority of them can, as can all computer or laptop DVD players as well as the Xbox 360 and PS3.) Also, a note to PayPal customers… due to weirdness in how Kunaki handles PayPal orders, you might not get a confirmation e-mail, but don’t worry, your order went through.  If you’re worried about it contact me directly and I can verify your order.

I’ll be setting up a “Nick” page in the FilmCow store soon, and there’s an ad I’m making for YouTube that’ll go online at some point over the next week.

So, yeah!  It’s Nick’s very first feature-length adventure!  Hopefully this sells well so we can make “Nick’s Hawaiian Vacation” and “Nick Goes to Washington.”

One last thing, because I’m sure this is going to be asked: more cartoons coming soon!  I am deeply sorry about the extended delay.  We have a lot planned, so stay tuned!

In the meantime, why not check out… Nick: The Feature Film – A Day in the Life of America’s Favorite Sweetheart, now available on DVD!