The continuing adventures from FilmCow’s exciting visit with Robert Benfer in Austin, Texas!
More behind the scenes from FilmCow’s exciting visit with Robert Benfer in Austin, TX!
Behind the scenes of FilmCow’s exciting visit with Robert Benfer in Austin, TX!
Hey everyone! Here’s a new cartoon for you to enjoy and cherish forever!
I love you. I hope today is wonderful!
yesterday someone at my school was wearing a shirt that said, “speak your truth.” but the truth isn’t as easy as all that. sometimes my truth is different from someone else’s truth. it isn’t an absolute. it should be, but it isn’t. if something is true, then that should be the end of it. but what I believe is different from what other people believe. like I think such-and-such is a good band. that is a truth to me. someone else thinks it’s horrible. that is their truth.
my truth is that I am a goddamn liar. and I have been lying to myself for months and months and making up my truth as I went along. and in between my lies, I’ve had long stretches of heart-breaking reality. I hate it. I hate my life and I hate myself. yeah, I’m a cat. so what. that’s old news. I’ll always be ostracized for being different. I hate that other people think they need to care about what I believe and what I do. I pretend like I’m ok with myself, but I’m not.
the whole topic of bullying has become a big deal lately. guess what, kids are never going to stop being bullies. you either fit in or you’re made fun of for not fitting in. it’s funny that some people think you get to have a choice. it’s funny that the bullies think the freaks choose to be freaks. we don’t. it’s just who we are. I could look just like them, and I’d still be a freak. why even bother. I might as well like how I look and speak my truth. at least I’ll be honest.
turns out the reason my mom went to live in that commune is because she’s sick. really sick. my dad didn’t know because she didn’t want me to know. so I guess she’s going to die for real this time. that’s why my step-dad couldn’t drive me. he was taking care of her. seeing her was hard. it feels like it was so long ago. hard to believe it’s only been a couple months.
I’m not ok with who I am or with this situation. I’m so angry. when I thought my mom was dead before, I lost friends because they didn’t want to deal with my sadness. or people pretended to be my friend because they felt bad for me. when I found out my mom was alive, but like me, things got weird because people were treating me strangely for entirely different reasons. I don’t know how I’m going to deal when she dies again. AGAIN. that sounds so messed up.
I thought seeing her would be good. it wasn’t. I feel even worse now. I lost something, found it, and now it’s being taken away again.
I guess that’s what life is all about, right? I wish I’d never found out she was alive in the first place. that was a truth I could have done without.