I’ve been spending most of my online time over at the trans-species forums. it’s just nice to be with people that understand me. my lgbt friends have been helpful, but they are all wrapped up in their own kinds of problems. ones that I don’t really get either.
I keep dreaming about my mom. I’m really angry at her, that she lied to me, that my dad let her lie to me. my dad’s tried to be nice, but it’s just hard for me to look at him. he’s been making me see a counselor or something (therapist? psychologist? I dunno) but I don’t really want to be there. I want to not be mad at my mom. sometimes I almost wish she really was dead because I think it would hurt less than knowing she just left me behind.
the people I’ve made friends with on the t-s forum have been really helpful. they’ve given me some leads on where mom might be, but there’s only so much I can do as a 15 yr old. some of them have even checked out info for me, but so far nothing’s turned up. how many places could she possibly be? my stepdad called 2 weeks ago but my dad didn’t let me talk to him. didn’t want me to get upset. it just upset me more. I didn’t talk to dad for a week after that.
I started taking guitar lessons, to take my mind of things. darleen got me a hat with cat ears. I love wearing it. dad got mad at her because he thinks she’s encouraging me. funny how the tables have turned. darleen used to be the one that tried to crush my creativity. now it’s my dad. ironic, right?
I don’t know what I want anymore. sometimes I wonder what normal feels like. sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing.
I have to go pretend to do homework now. pretend to care about this stupid world and this stupid life. eventually things will make sense again. they have to.
Style, class, intelligence, charisma… Robert’s got all that and a bag of chips!
I’m playing Skyrim right now. I’m a wizard. A mighty wizard. It would be nice if dragons stopped attacking my wizarding school, like, every single day.