why is this happening

sorry I haven’t been writing here. things have been surreal and I wasn’t really sure where to start. so I guess I’ll do what that song says and start at the beginning.

my dad was using my computer the other day because his had a virus and he looked at my search history and found out that I’ve been trying to find information about being a cat trapped in a person’s body. it’s called “species dysphoria” or trans-species. anyway, my dad asked me about it. I tried to act like I was just researching it for something for school, but then he started crying and said that the same thing had happened to my mom. that my mom wasn’t really dead. that she was a cat.

only he said that she THOUGHT she was a cat. that it’s something she struggled with for a long time. that it was why they got divorced. she had been sick, but she got better. it wasn’t the cancer that killed her. cancer was what made her stop acting like she wasn’t what she knew she was all along. my mom’s a cat.

he was hoping that with me it would be a case of nurture over nature. that I would be ok with being a human. but he was wrong.

he said my mom’s been at a commune with people like her. with other trans-species people. he wouldn’t tell me what it was called because he doesn’t want me to go there. but I can’t believe it. my mom is alive. my mom is not dead. my mom is alive. as hard as it was to accept her death, it’s now equally hard to accept that she’s alive. not only is she alive, she’s like ME.

I can’t believe my dad lied to me about my mom dying. I go between hating him and understanding why he did it. to him, mom as a cat is as good as being dead because she’s not a person. what he doesn’t get is that she was never a person. she was just pretending.

I have to find her. or at least get in touch with her. I’ll write more when I have more information. there’s still a lot I don’t understand about the situation. is her husband still with her? is he a cat too? is she getting surgery to be more like a cat?

as much confusion that I have, so many things make sense now. and my mom is alive.

Ad for Nick: The Feature Film

We’ve put together a little advertisement for “Nick: The Feature Film.”  I hope you enjoy it.



You can order your copy of Nick: The Feature Film here for only $6 plus shipping!  Wow!  So much Nick for your money!

embarrassing realizations

up too late. gonna be groggy for school tomorrow. there’s things swirling around in my head that I can’t put to rest. I’ve been feeling really strange since I was sick over thanksgiving. wondering if maybe the fever fried my brain or something. or maybe it just burnt the bullshit away.

I feel altered. I feel less like I’m wearing a mask. I don’t think I’m going to go to “drama club” anymore. I don’t think it’s where I need to be. it has helped me realize that the problem with my identity isn’t that I’m gay (or straight, or bi, or trans, or anything like that). I’m not sure what I’m attracted to, but I don’t think it’s people. I just don’t like them very much.

and it’s not like I’m into animals, either, so don’t even say anything. I’m not into beastiality. I just think I was maybe born into the wrong species.

it’s kind of a problem. and I don’t foresee any solution. I mean, how does one come out as “cat?”

Nick: The Feature Film

"Hey. I'm Nick."

Let me tell you about Nick.

Nick is my cousin, and he’s a pretty cool guy.  So cool, in fact, that I decided to make an entire feature film about him called “Nick: The Feature Film – A Day in the Life of America’s Favorite Sweetheart.”

It stars the usual FilmCow live-action crew, as well as my good friend Robert Benfer.  Making this movie took quite a bit of time and effort… the filming itself took an ENTIRE DAY.  Can you believe that?  A whole day!  There was no script, just a basic story outline.  Nearly everything in the movie was improvised.

The plot of Nick: The Feature Film is this…

Robert Benfer, an eccentric independent filmmaker, runs into Nick at a bowling alley and immediately becomes deeply obsessed with him.  In order to learn everything he can about his new obsession, Robert has decided to follow him around with a camera crew and fully document an average day in his life.  Things seem to be going well until Nick’s “best friend” Chris shows up…

OH MAN, I WONDER WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!  So, how can you see this marvelous new film?  It’s available on DVD, of course!  The movie is around 75 minutes long, and the DVD includes a 20 minute behind-the-scenes video, outtakes, deleted scenes, and two commentary tracks (one about the movie, and the other about the history of FilmCow’s live-action projects.)

That could be YOUR giant hand!

The cost of the DVD is $6 plus shipping.  I’m using Kunaki to sell this, so basic shipping is $4.30.  Which means that Nick: The Feature Film can be yours for a little over 10 bucks.  Every sale helps fund future FilmCow cartoons and live-action projects, so order today!  Or tomorrow.  Or next week sometime.

Click here to order via Credit Card

Click here to order via PayPal

The DVD is region-free NTSC.  So for non-US customers, please make sure your DVD player can play NTSC discs before ordering (the majority of them can, as can all computer or laptop DVD players as well as the Xbox 360 and PS3.) Also, a note to PayPal customers… due to weirdness in how Kunaki handles PayPal orders, you might not get a confirmation e-mail, but don’t worry, your order went through.  If you’re worried about it contact me directly and I can verify your order.

I’ll be setting up a “Nick” page in the FilmCow store soon, and there’s an ad I’m making for YouTube that’ll go online at some point over the next week.

So, yeah!  It’s Nick’s very first feature-length adventure!  Hopefully this sells well so we can make “Nick’s Hawaiian Vacation” and “Nick Goes to Washington.”

One last thing, because I’m sure this is going to be asked: more cartoons coming soon!  I am deeply sorry about the extended delay.  We have a lot planned, so stay tuned!

In the meantime, why not check out… Nick: The Feature Film – A Day in the Life of America’s Favorite Sweetheart, now available on DVD!