Hello everyone! I have a new cartoon for you to enjoy, it’s called “Chris Brown: American Superhero.”
YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cn2om3_4tzw
QuickTime:
http://www.filmcow.com/movies/chris-brown/
Also, I’ll be at Playlist LIVE on March 24-25, and ROFLCon III May 4-5, hope to see some of you there! In person. Where we can gaze into each other’s eyes and fall into a dream-like trance from which we shall never awake.
I’ve been spending most of my online time over at the trans-species forums. it’s just nice to be with people that understand me. my lgbt friends have been helpful, but they are all wrapped up in their own kinds of problems. ones that I don’t really get either.
I keep dreaming about my mom. I’m really angry at her, that she lied to me, that my dad let her lie to me. my dad’s tried to be nice, but it’s just hard for me to look at him. he’s been making me see a counselor or something (therapist? psychologist? I dunno) but I don’t really want to be there. I want to not be mad at my mom. sometimes I almost wish she really was dead because I think it would hurt less than knowing she just left me behind.
the people I’ve made friends with on the t-s forum have been really helpful. they’ve given me some leads on where mom might be, but there’s only so much I can do as a 15 yr old. some of them have even checked out info for me, but so far nothing’s turned up. how many places could she possibly be? my stepdad called 2 weeks ago but my dad didn’t let me talk to him. didn’t want me to get upset. it just upset me more. I didn’t talk to dad for a week after that.
I started taking guitar lessons, to take my mind of things. darleen got me a hat with cat ears. I love wearing it. dad got mad at her because he thinks she’s encouraging me. funny how the tables have turned. darleen used to be the one that tried to crush my creativity. now it’s my dad. ironic, right?
I don’t know what I want anymore. sometimes I wonder what normal feels like. sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing.
I have to go pretend to do homework now. pretend to care about this stupid world and this stupid life. eventually things will make sense again. they have to.
Style, class, intelligence, charisma… Robert’s got all that and a bag of chips!
YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD62d9XhHxY
QuickTime:
http://filmcow.com/movies/thats-our-robert/
I’m playing Skyrim right now. I’m a wizard. A mighty wizard. It would be nice if dragons stopped attacking my wizarding school, like, every single day.
These are marshmallows:
I cannot eat most marshmallows because I am a vegetarian and they are most often made with gelatin. Luckily, some people make marshmallows with agar instead, and I can eat those. And they are delicious. It has recently been brought to my attention that marshmallows were originally made from marshmallow plants. It is now a quest of mine to find and eat some marshmallow plant marshmallows. I like quests.
Anyway, here is Marshmallow People 2:
YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFYHaGUFJ-s
QuickTime:
http://www.filmcow.com/movies/marshmallow-people-2/
ENJOY, MY BLOG BUDDIES.
Hello everyone! As promised, here is “Jurassic Park 5.” I truly hope that you enjoy this cinematic masterwork I have created.
YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3XtnCUcZb4
QuickTime:
http://www.filmcow.com/movies/jurassic-park-5/
In other news, WOW, seals taking naps are FREAKING ADORABLE.
I found a message board for people like me who are trans-species, or have species dysphoria. I also found out that there’s another name for it: otherkin. I don’t like that one as much as trans-species, though. species dysphoria makes it sound like there’s something wrong with me, like I’m sick. otherkin makes it sound like I believe in fairies or something. trans-species sounds like it’s just a thing, like transgender or transsexual. like I’m just someone who was born into the wrong body, only I’m not a boy in a girl’s body. I’m a cat in a girl’s body.
so I’ve been on these message boards, talking to other people about things. and I feel better about myself, but also worse because, I mean, transgender would be hard enough for people to understand. there’s no way they could understand trans-species unless they were it, too. I guess that’s why mom went away. she saw the signs in me and was worried that I’d follow in her footsteps so she left. she didn’t want me to end up in the life that she had. but I have. so I’ve been trying to look for her.
I’ve made some friends on the boards. most of them are a lot older than me, so I’ve been asking around about my mom. I’ve been talking to my dad and been trying to call my stepdad. for once, darleen’s been pretty cool about things. guess she thinks I’ve had it rough enough already. it doesn’t feel right that my mom would have left me thinking she’s dead. my dad says that she hoped she’d be able to talk to me later on in my life, but it was gonna be at time when she and my dad thought I was ready. only my dad hasn’t heard from her in months. or from her husband.
dad doesn’t want to tell me much about the relationship mom had (has?) with her husband. I can kinda guess just from what I’ve figured out on the forums and little things I put together over the years. my stepdad acted like, I dunno, my mom’s owner. he took care of her. so when she “died” they both left and he’s been taking care of her at the cat commune. I don’t know exactly what it all means. just that he’s helping her live her life as she wants to live it. I have no idea how they can afford it. he must be working tech from his computer or something. that’s what he used to do.
there are parts of the message boards I can’t go to because I’m too young. I don’t really want to know what mom does with brian anyway, so I’m glad I can’t read about that crap. the older members are protective of me because I’m so young and because of what happened with my mom. they’re all keeping an eye out for me, to see if they hear anything about a commune like what my dad said.
I don’t know if I should even try to find her. I want to. I want to leave school and just go searching for her, but that’s not what she’d want. I hate myself for feeling that way. and I can’t shake the feeling that maybe brian has been keeping her from me. I don’t know.
hopefully I’ll find out more soon.
in other news, school’s ok (not great) and I’m getting better on the guitar, despite actually being a cat.